Baseline Safety: The Foundation of a Regulated Nervous System

Have you ever noticed that no matter how much you try to think positively, meditate, or regulate your emotions, you still feel on edge? Like there’s an underlying tension that won’t let you fully relax into the present moment? That’s because true emotional regulation isn’t just about mindset or willpower—it starts with baseline safety in your nervous system.

What is Baseline Safety?

Baseline safety is when your body and mind, or nervous system, feels secure, calm, and resourced enough to navigate life being present and grounded.

It’s the foundation for emotional regulation, clear thinking, and the ability to feel at peace within yourself.

When we have a stable baseline we feel:

• Clear headed

• Grounded and present in our bodies

• Able to experience emotions without being overwhelmed

• Connected to ourselves and others

• Adaptable to stress and challenges without spiraling into dysregulation

We’re not constantly scanning for danger, bracing for worst-case scenarios, what-ifs or reacting from a place of pain when we are in baseline safety.

Many of us, in modern life, rarely experience this feeling. We rush through the motions of our day until we sit down and numb out.

Why Do We Lose Baseline Safety? The Evolutionary Fight-or-Flight Response

To understand why so many of us struggle with baseline safety, we have to look at how our nervous system evolved.

Long before we were the humans we are today, we were running from physical danger or freezing up because of it. Our nervous systems were designed through evolution to prioritize survival above all else.

Our ancestors relied on the fight-or-flight response for survival. When they encountered a threat—a predator, an enemy, or even a lack of resources—their nervous systems triggered an immediate reaction to escape or defend themselves.

This response was (and still is) governed by the autonomic nervous system (ANS):

• Sympathetic nervous system (SNS): Activates fight-or-flight mode—increasing heart rate, tensing muscles, slowing digestion, and mobilizing energy for survival.

• Parasympathetic nervous system (PNS): Calms the body down, allowing for rest, digestion, and repair.

For our ancestors, flight-or-fight was not optional. It was automatic and life-saving.

And even though we now have fewer threats than ever before, the system in our bodies that respond to danger haven't changed that much.

Today the same systems and response are triggered not just by danger but by emotional conflict, overstimulation or even just a vague sense that something isn't right, like our boss sending a cryptic email. All of it signals to our body: not safe.

Our nervous systems often stay stuck in survival mode from perceived stress and threats. Predators and the need to finding food has become chronic stress from work, finances, and relationships. It's become overstimulation from screens, notifications, and constant information. And unresolved trauma that keeps our nervous system primed for danger. Finally, societal pressures or even the media that make us feel unsafe even when no immediate threat exists.

For many people, the fight-or-flight response never fully turns off, leading to chronic anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and a constant feeling of unease.

Note: This discussion is about everyday emotional regulation and does not apply to situations involving actual abuse or serious threats. Please refer to resources at the end if needed.

Why We Need To Feel Safe

Feeling and noticing our baseline safety everyday isn't just nice - it's essential. Without a sense of safety, our bodies cannot relax, digest, connect or heal. It's what keeps us up at night. We cannot think clearly. We can't truly listen or feel joy long term. It leads to physical illness even.

A regulated nervous system results from internalized safety or the belief that we are safe. When we feel safe, the parasympathetic system takes over. Our breath slows. Our muscles soften. Our hearts open. This is where connection, learning and growth happen. This is where we feel human.

Yet for many of us, this state is rare. Instead of a grounding presence, we live in quiet tension, always bracing for the next stressor. And often, this isn't a major life event that pulls us further out of balance - it's the small, everyday moments we barely notice.

The Smallest Things Can Pull Us Out of Safety

You don't need a crisis to get thrown out of your baseline safety. Often, it's much smaller actually and far more subtle.

Things we overlook everyday:

• A looping thought

• A memory that flashed while we were in the shower.

• Feeling like someone is upset with you without them directly communicating that.

• Ruminating on something someone said or did to you.

• Being on edge for no specific reason at hand.

  
  

These tiny moments can shift your nervous system into a state of hypervigilance, even if your external world looks completely calm.

The body doesn’t need proof of danger - it only needs to feel that the threat is real.

When this is our norm, it feels like safety is the exception, and more importantly, most of us will not get back into a physical state that allows us to recognize that.

Identifying Safety in the Body

Rebuilding nervous system safety isn’t about forcing yourself to “relax” - it’s about teaching your body that it is safe to be through small, consistent signals.

We often think of safety as external - where we are and who we’re with, but it’s also internal. We can start to tune in to safety through our bodies.

The first step is awareness. If you’re feeling wired, on edge, or emotionally shut down in your everyday life, pause and check in:

• Am I feeling rushed or tense? How does my stomach, my jaw, and my shoulders feel?

• How is my breath?

• Do I feel good in this moment or do I feel like I need to escape?

Create Small Moments of Safety Daily

It can be hard to ask to get back to baseline safety in the middle of feeling or experiencing things that take us out of safety. But as with most things, it requires practice when we are actually safe in our own space. Building baseline safety isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about repeated experiences that feel safe to you, over time, so your body gets into a state of safety and begins to remember what it feels like.

Some ways to do this:

• Affirmations: Repeating to yourself "I am safe in this moment", "I will deal with that when the time comes." or recognizing when we're in the past and bringing ourselves to the now with "I am here now and I am safe".

• Consistent routines: Regular mealtimes, sleep, and movement help your nervous system predict safety.

• Co-regulation: Spend time with people, animals, or even nature that makes you feel calm and connected.

• Physical comfort: Soft blankets, warm baths, or self-massage can signal safety to your nervous system

• Creation:

• Joy List: Writing a list of what brings your joy independent of others and being able to draw on that in times of need

If we create safety on purpose or even just notice the safety in the moments we already have it, we not only notice when we are out of it, but we can intentionally get back to safety when we need it.

It's Safer To Feel

The ultimate goal is to feel safe when feeling unsafe mentally, or bringing ourselves back to baseline safety. Baseline safety feels like being able to be without needing to change anything in that moment. It's the feeling of: I am okay right now. From here, we can make conscious choice instead of reactive ones.

Ironically, safety does not mean no emotions. It actually means the ability to feel them without being overwhelmed by them, needing to run from them or change them. When we allow ourselves to feel anger, sadness or fear with compassion and presence, our body learns: we can survive this too.

Knowing something consciously does not mean our bodies have really understood it, either. It takes practice until our physical body recognizes that. When we reach our bodies that it is safe to feel, we rewire our nervous systems toward resilience.

We can also make grounded decisions to choose more safety rather than surviving things, feeling it's simply necessary or disconnecting. And most importantly, we may find peace in situations we didn't previously have it, for example, someone being upset with us for their own reasons.

Rebuilding safety takes time. If you’ve been in survival mode for a long time, baseline safety won’t return overnight. It’s retraining your body to believe it is safe even when the mind disagrees or the body hasn't yet caught up. Some days will feel easier than others, and that’s okay. What matters is gentle consistency—continuing to offer yourself moments of grounding, connection, and regulation.

Disclaimer:

The content on this blog is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional advice, therapy, or crisis support.

If you believe you are experiencing abuse or are in an unsafe situation, please reach out to a licensed professional or local support in your area.

Some helpful resources include:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (US): 1-800-799-7233 | thehotline.org

• RAINN (US): 1-800-656-4673 | rainn.org

• International Directory of Helplines: findahelpline.com

Your safety matters. Please make sure you're using the right resources.