Diamonds Covered In Mud

The foundation of this work is built on the fact that:

Humans enter the world fundamentally good. Harm happens when we lose our connection to that goodness.

We don't become "good". We come into the world clear - open, connected and free. There is a natural coherence in us at the start. A sense of inner rightness, even before we have language for it.

Fear and pain begin to layer over our clarity. Some are born into it. Some it happens over time. We adapt to survive, and in doing so, we forget.

Diamonds covered in mud.

People are not "bad". Hurt, fear or disconnected cloud their natural state.

You might feel resistance as you read this. Disbelief.

That discomfort does not mean it's untrue. It means your body is protecting an old story.

To reach a state of acceptance of the human condition, we do have to accept this is true, as painful as it can be. It's easier to cast out people or choices or behaviors. Acceptance requires reflection of this truth within ourselves and deep grief of what it means to be human. But without acceptance for what is possible only through pain, we will not return to wholeness.

So we have to fight through own disbeliefs to reach a place where it were don't just believe it out loud, but we believe it in our bodies. 

To make it simple - let's use science first.

This is more than just philosophy.

From B.F. Skinner's work in psychology, we learned that people repeat behaviors that helped them survive, not necessarily conscious choice. This means most are operating from what they have known to work.

In other words, that was their best option available to them at that time.

Dialectical Behavior Theory (DBT) is based on two truths: that everyone is doing the best they can and everyone can do better. Two opposites are both valid and true at the same time. This does create cognitive dissonance, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

Neuroscience supports this. Marsha Linehan's research where neuroimaging showed that during overwhelm, people with Borderline Personality Disorder showed reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex (rational thought) and heightened amygdala (threat response). So these people weren't actively "choosing" to act irrationally, they are physiologically overwhelmed and doing their best to regulate.

Practical Application

The Parent Who Yells or Abandons

• Why it’s hard to believe: A parent is supposed to protect, not harm.

• Let the truth still hold: Many parents repeat what was done to them. They lack tools, not care. Beneath the behavior is often shame or deep emotional disconnection.

The Partner Who Lies or Cheats

• Why it’s hard to believe: Betrayal feels deliberate.

• Let the truth still hold: Cheating or lying often comes from powerlessness or a desperate attempt to meet unmet needs—not from cruelty.

The Absent Friend in a Crisis

• Why it’s hard to believe: They saw you hurting and walked away. That feels heartless.

• Let the truth still hold: Some people shut down in the face of pain. Avoidance can be a trauma response, not a lack of care.

The Micromanaging or Critical Manager

• Why it’s hard to believe: They belittle the team, control every detail, and seem cold.

• Let the truth still hold: Poor management often stems from fear of failure, insecurity, or lack of emotional safety—not simply control for control’s sake.

The Dismissive, Sarcastic Bully

• Why it’s hard to believe: They seem to enjoy making others uncomfortable.

• Let the truth still hold: Sarcasm and cruelty are often defenses. People who mock vulnerability usually fear being seen themselves.

The Person Who Won’t Hear Any View But Their Own

• Why it’s hard to believe: They act like everyone else is stupid.

• Let the truth still hold: Rigidity is often self-protection. Certainty can mask fear, confusion, or a lack of inner safety.

The Leader or Politician Who Causes Harm

• Why it’s hard to believe: They’ve hurt so many—they must be evil.

• Let the truth still hold: Power mixed with fear and ego can sever empathy. Harm on a large scale often comes from delusion and disconnection, not pure evil.

The Person Who Feels Nothing at All

• Why it’s hard to believe: They seem numb—like they don’t care.

• Let the truth still hold: Numbness often means they’ve felt too much. Emotional shutdown is a survival strategy, not a lack of feeling.

Why This Matters?

This work is not about redeeming others. It's about freeing yourself and it takes time.

Coming back to this allows you to release bitterness and rigidity, the very thing fueling much of the pain caused by others. It allows you to choose boundaries with compassion, peace, and love without illusion.

It allows you to understand and move into acceptance of humanity - the love and joy, but also the pain and brutality.

That doesn't mean that all people will be able to access their state of goodness in this lifetime - or even want to. Some never will. And many of us cannot hold it at all times.

It also does not justify the hurt of others. It simply explains it to understand the existence of inner goodness within us all, available to those who try to access it.

Accountability is not separate from compassion. Accountability actually the doorway back to someone's goodness - if they are willing to walk back through.

It allows you to choose boundaries with peace. To set boundaries without hatred. Heal without hardening.

And to remember your own goodness, even when others lose sight of theirs.